When I attend conferences, I genuinely find myself somewhat out of place.  I feel I don't fit.  In fact, if I am really honest, I don't like them.  I am a white, middle-aged man who has succeeded thanks to being surrounded by great people.  There is nothing in that description that suggests that I am anything other than a person of the system and representative of a complete lack of diversity - really not a good thing.  And yet, despite all those advantages, I feel completely out of place.

So, why do I feel so out of place?  I don't know for sure, but I think it has something to do with the overwhelming amount of confidence that just hangs in the air at conferences.  I'm fine with the exhibitors and those presenting being confident in their work.  Heck, we are there to listen to experts after all!  But I find it a bit more of a challenge when walking alongside my fellow delegates.  Rarely do I hear, "we're really struggling with X" or "we have been working at Y, but nothing seems to change".  Even more rare is to find that person who says, "I'm really worried and I don't know what to do".

Well, as I finish my 10th year as CEO and 20th year as senior leader, I am going to tell my early CEO self that all those exuding ridiculous levels of confidence are almost certainly not being honest about the challenges they face.  Worse still, they may be hiding it from themselves.

And that is a problem.  If we go about painting a picture for ourselves that is not a true representation of the reality of our Trusts, we will start to believe that picture.  That's just human nature.  We often describe things as we want them to be rather than as they are.  And when we do this time and again, that 'alternative truth' becomes our truth, and it is hard to shift away from things we believe to be true.

So, what do I know now?  I know it is really important to get unvarnished views.  I know it is OK for things not to be great right now, so long as we see it and sort it out.  I know that improvement can be messy and can take time to get it right.  I know that people will tell you the truth - they really will - but that truth will be the one that they believe and that might be slightly disconnected from the unvarnished truth...because they are human and so am I.  So, I know I need to be curious about that.  I know that most people at conferences are not telling you the things they are really worried about...and here is an unvarnished truth, neither am I!  I know that I have improved as CEO more in the last 3 years than in the previous 10 because I have been more open, more curious and a lot less defensive about what I think the truth might be.

Am I getting it all right? No.  Am I getting it right more than I did before? I hope so.

What I know now is that the sooner we dial into finding the unvarnished truth in our careers, the sooner we will truly flourish.  I know that journey is far from easy and takes a lot of courage, probably more courage than we when we first start out in a new role - I think it comes with experience.  Finally, I know that we are all human and nothing about my early CEO-self was wrong, it was just where I was.

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